My name is Jacob
- I'm a 19 year old male student here at uOttawa, and I hate my body.
For a long time, I've hated my body. Actually, as far back as I can remember, I've hated my body. And I feel awful about it because I'm a man. I regularly see every day the pressures women face - they're everywhere! So then, if men don't get this same kind of pressure, why do I hate mine?
Before answering this question, I want to talk a little bit about my experience. I was a pretty skinny kid, but wasn't the most athletic. I picked up a lot of weight probably about the time I hit puberty, and because of my lack of athleticism I had a hard time shaking it off. It didn't help that food was a comfort for me. So I'd hate my body, eat because I hated my body, and continue the cycle.
In the eighth grade, I discovered a passion for basketball. This wound up helping me to make more athletic friends, and I got heavily involved in sports starting in high school. By the time I reached the tenth grade, I even started working out. It wasn't healthy working out, however. I still looked in the mirror every day and hated the way that I looked. About six months and thirty-something pounds later, I caved and cancelled my membership. The pressure was too much for me, and I retracted into my old ways.
Don't get me
wrong, I still played sports, but I just didn't have the energy to stress about
my body anymore. I struggled with my
weight throughout high school, and even into university.
So, here we
are. I can't say for myself exactly why
I hate my body. Maybe it is that,
inadvertently, there is an 'idealized male image' out there that I don't bear. I have a big chest, yes, but my waist isn't
half of my chest. My thighs CERTAINLY aren't toned by any stretch of the
imagination. And no, I could never pull off the Deadpool jumpsuit. Maybe it's because of other reasons. See, despite being pretty outgoing, I've had
a lot of insecurities my whole life, and my body became super easy to
blame. "Nobody wants to date you?
Well, no wonder, it's because you're so fat." "You didn't make the
eighth grade volleyball team? Maybe if you weren't so fat you'd have a
chance." These were some common
thoughts that still affect me to this day.
I've been pretty open about my body insecurities before, even posting about it on my social media accounts. But, this typically isn't encouraged in men. Men are "supposed" to be reserved about their emotions, and to deal with their problems on their own. We're also ESPECIALLY not supposed to be insecure about our bodies. Somewhere I didn't quite get the memo, because not a day goes by that I don't dump all of my emotions onto my roommate, or tell my friends I love them (what can I say, I'm a passionate guy!).
The conversation has just started to open up for women, and already there have been AMAZING changes. Now, it's time for men to open the same door. I'm tired of feeling such hatred towards myself, and I know for a fact that I'm not the only one.
Guys, I'm not
saying that you have to share your story all over social media. I'm asking you to wake up every day and to
find something about yourself that you like.
If you can't do this, ask the people in your life what they like about
you - I can almost guarantee none of it will have to do with your body. I'm asking for you to take care of your body,
because it's hard to hate something that you're caring for. Feed your body well, and feed it with the
right stuff. Talk about your body the
way you would about a friend's.
On the flipside,
don't become stressed about your body like I did. Don't work out for unhealthy amounts, then
deny yourself dinners out with friends because you want to avoid the calories. That extra ten pounds you need to lose
doesn't represent laziness - it represents every pizza you've ever shared with
your friends. Or that drink you enjoy
every now and then. Don't lose these
parts of yourself.
I can't stress
enough how much I wish I could go back to my tenth grade self and scream
"You are fine!" I also can't stress how much I'm fighting to scream
this at myself today.
Most importantly, don't get caught up in the nonsense narrative that you have to look a certain way, and that it's wrong to feel like you don't look this way. You don't have to look any way - you just have to be comfortable with who you are. And, it's okay to not feel confident in your body. What's important is acknowledging these thoughts, and learning to change them. If you have to talk to somebody, then talk to somebody - there are countless men who visit counsellors every day for body image issues. There are also dietitians, doctors and many, many other people who can help. Sometimes, it may even just help to confide in someone you trust.
So, I want to try changing my introduction. My name is Jacob - I'm a 19 year old male student here at uOttawa, and I sometimes feel unconfident in the way I look, but I'm going to change the way I talk about myself and I'm going to learn to love myself.