SCENARIO 1: Chad goes to the club on Friday night and is excited to pick up some girls. He tries to buy a girl a drink, but she says no.
Consent: Chad accepts this rejection, and he continues his night on the dance floor.
NOT consent: Chad buys her the drink anyway! He figures the easiest way to get a girl to sleep with him is to get her drunk.
What is the difference? Consent is important and someone who is intoxicated cannot give consent. In fact, it is not legal to have sex with someone who is drunk. It is wrong for Chad to think he can sleep with girls after getting them drunk. No means no.
SCENARIO 2: Michelle has been dating Darla for the past 2 years. One night, Michelle wants to have sex, but Darla says she doesn’t feel like it.
Consent: Michelle says, “I understand that you’re not in the mood. We can go for a walk instead .”
NOT consent: Michelle says, “If you don’t have sex with me, that means you don’t love me. You’re being a bad girlfriend.”
What is the difference? Even though Michelle and Darla are in a long-term relationship, consent must be given every time. It is wrong for Michelle to emotionally manipulate her girlfriend into having sex with her.
In a healthy relationship, it’s important to discuss and respect each other’s boundaries on the regular. It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity, it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, a hookup, a committed relationship, or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve consented in the past. A person can also decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.
The Ottawa Rape Crisis Centre (ORRC) is temporarily closing. In case of an emergency, please call 911 or visit your nearest hospital emergency department. You may also use the following resources for help regarding sexual violence: