SUD;
Answers from a person with lived experience
INTRODUCTION
The Health Promotion Drugs and Alcohol Team
presents this interview style article as a way to convey important messages
about Substance use disorder (SUD). We hope this will help spread awareness and
help dissolve the stigma that surrounds this topic.
Could you first give us some context on who you are and what you do for a living?
I was a university professor for 20+ years. Now I do volunteer work for The Community Addiction Peer Support Association (CAPSA). I’m living in long-term recovery, not having had a drink in more than 18 years, and am a very active member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I spend a lot of time working with newcomers, trying to help them on the path to recovery. In non-COVID times, I run a weekly meeting of Refuge Recovery, a Buddhism-inspired approach to recovery from addictions of all kinds.
What is the preferred terminology for a person that has experienced addiction?
It is incredibly
important to use person-first language.
Words like “addict” and “alcoholic” reduce a person to their disorder. Studies show
consistently that these words lead to the person being stigmatized in society.
This stigma discourages someone with these issues from asking for help. There’s
also evidence that using these words leads to a decrease in the quality of
healthcare they receive and their ability to access such fundamental things as
housing.
Terms like “person with
substance-use disorder” are much better. It’s important for society to hear
these terms, but it is even more important for the person with the SUD to hear
them. People in the depths of their addiction are filled with such
self-loathing it can be paralyzing. Discovering that they have a disease and
even more importantly, that there is help available, in fact a whole community
to help, and that you can get better, is the first step to recovery. That is
why it’s so important that I let people know that I was there myself and found
a way out.
It is true that I regularly attend AA meetings and there will identify as an alcoholic. The same is done at NA and CA meetings. But in that company the meaning is different. We are letting each other know that we are all the same, which can be a powerfully comforting message. It’s a statement of community.
At what age did you get into substance use? What was your addiction/ which substance caused your addiction?
Neither of my parents
had substance use issues, but both of my mother’s parents consumed alcohol in a
very problematic way. Because both of my parents worked, we spent a lot of time
in their care and were exposed to inappropriate drinking from a very young age
and to the sort of erratic behavior that implies. More significantly, my
grandparents thought giving sips of their drinks was an appropriate present for
their grandkids. This quickly led to my stealing from their glasses or from the
alcohol that was stored virtually everywhere in their house or apartment.
This probably started when I was around 7
years old and steadily progressed from there. When I was 15 or so, I started
smoking pot as well. In college, I tried other substances, but alcohol and pot
were always my favorites. Alcohol was the greater obsession. At various points
I didn’t have access to pot, which was ok, but going even a day without a drink
was out of the question.
According to most medical associations, addiction is classified as a disease but many people think of it as a choice. Do you believe that addiction is a disease or a choice?
Calling my addiction a
choice is definitely incorrect. I drank compulsively and found it virtually
impossible to stop once I had begun. I know from my own experience as well as
talking to many newly sober fellows that will-power is always overmatched by
the compulsion. While there is much in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I
disagree with, the idea that admitting you are powerless over your addiction is
the first step in recovery has definitely been my experience as well as those
of virtually all of my friends in recovery. This, in addition to the abundant
evidence of a genetic component, makes it clear to me that it is appropriate to
refer to it as a disease.
I have several friends
who reject the disease label as they feel that it absolves them of the
responsibility for their actions while in the depths of their disorder. I don’t
accept this. Knowing that I have a disease doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it
does help explain it. It also doesn’t eliminate the need to make amends when
appropriate to do so.
Some studies show genetic influences (DNA) can lead to addiction. Others show environmental effects (family, friends, education, etc.) are more influential. Which of these do you believe was more influential in your journey with substance use?
In my case, it was
clearly both and they were very much mixed together. In addition to the above,
I now understand that my mother suffered from the symptoms that adult children
of alcoholics frequently demonstrate when they have not received any treatment.
The result of my home-life for me was extreme social awkwardness and I only
knew one remedy. There was a brief time in my life when alcohol worked for me
the way it does in commercials. I overcame my anxiety and was able to relax and
be somewhat outgoing in social situations. But I kept pushing the amounts until
people didn’t even want me at their parties and eventually I was doing most of
my drinking by myself. I was very quickly at the point where I barely
remembered why I had started drinking in the first place.
So rather than one of
the two components being more influential than the other, I think it makes more
sense to say they worked in tandem.
Most substance use resources say that substance use affects the user as well as those in their surroundings and support systems. Who would you say has been the most affected by your experience with substance use?
I lived under the
delusion for many years that because I did my drinking alone, I wasn’t hurting
anyone, although I suspect at some level, I knew this wasn’t true. The most
obviously effected would be my immediate family who had to deal with my
short-temperedness, frequent isolation and emotional distancing. I now
understand that my behavior was quite traumatic to the people in my life.
At work, there was again
the question of my temper and lack of patience with students and colleagues. In
retrospect, there were a great many times I was not doing my job to the best of
my ability.
How did you overcome your addiction?
After a particularly
awful incident in 2002, I had no choice but to confront my disorder. I walked
into the rooms of AA with little expectation that it would work out, but with
no other choice as far as I could see. I had tried AA once in the 80’s and
managed to go a few weeks without a drink, the only time in my life I had
accomplished such a thing. And I knew that I hadn’t really tried to do what the
program suggested. So this time, I threw myself into the program
whole-heartedly and followed closely what the program told me I needed to do.
This involved attending several meetings a day, volunteering for any task that
was appropriate and becoming a part of this recovery community. I also “worked
the steps” of AA.
I saw results fairly
quickly in terms of both my physical and mental health. AA provided me with a
community of people facing the same issues I faced and we were all determined
to help each other get better. The things that I noticed were a generally
better mood, I found myself laughing and looking forward to things when not
long before, everything had seemed pointless and miserable. There were
noticeable physical improvements as well. I lost “the shakes” rather quickly
and started sleeping better, although that took a while. While I have some
significant problems with the teachings of AA, I will be eternally grateful for
giving me the gift of this community.
Over time, I extended to
meet with other recovery communities. I’m very active in Secular AA, which
jettisons all of the God talk of AA, which is probably my biggest complaint. I
became a part of Refuge Recovery, which interprets the basic teachings of
Buddhism such as The 4 Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path in a way that
applies to recovery from addictions of all kinds. I also am a part of CAPSA,
which works hard to address the stigmas attached to SUDs. In particular I host
a weekly All People, All Pathways
meeting. APAP meetings are for people “affected by addiction to share their
experiences about what has helped them on their journey, and provide a safe and
aware environment for those seeking help to ask questions, free from stigma or
discrimination”.
All of the various ways
I help my fellows contribute to my well-being and keep me on the path of
recovery.
But I don’t feel I’ve
“overcome my addiction” and the day I start thinking I have is the day I am in
danger of picking up a drink.
How do you prevent a recurrence of your problematic substance use?
By
helping others. By remaining a part of the recovery community. It’s also
important that I monitor my emotions and keep an eye out for the way I behaved
before I found recovery. The person that I used to be would find it quite easy
to pick up a drink.
What are some of the biggest
impacts substance use has had on your physical and mental health?
Psychologically, the
constant intake of alcohol fed my paranoia that people were talking about my
drinking which caused me to isolate and drink more which fed my paranoia, etc.
It was a vicious circle that frequently left me almost paralyzed with fear.
Even now, some 18 years later, I am still blindsided on occasion by those
feelings. They can literally strike without warning, but I now have the tools
to handle such problems. Meditation and talking to my fellows from the recovery
community remind me that I have nothing to be afraid of.
Physically, towards the end of my drinking
I gained a great deal of weight and just looked like someone who drank too
much. I could see it in my face. I would occasionally get the shakes at random
moments, especially in the last few months. My final binge ended with multiple
seizures and hallucinations.
Supervised consumption sites (SCS) are part of a long-term, comprehensive approach to addressing the harms associated with problematic substance use. They offer a safe space for illicit drug consumption as well as fentanyl test strips, emergency medical care in case of overdose and many other services. What do you think of these supervised consumption sites for people affected by addiction? Do you think they really help these individuals or do they worsen the situation in Canada?
We must greatly expand
the SCS program and even more importantly make sure that the public understands
its importance. A large part of this is making sure they understand that the
people who would use those sites are their friends, family members, colleagues,
loved ones. (It all goes back to stigma.) The track record of SCS is
extraordinary. Not a single person has died of an overdose at an SCS in all of
Canada.
On a related note,
everyone should have naloxone kits and take them with them everywhere.
What are your thoughts on the dangers of substance use?
Since this is a very
open-ended question, I’ll talk about one thing I’ve been worried about.
I’ve been thinking a lot
lately about the effects of COVID on the recovery community. Although I have no
statistics, there is no doubt the effects have been devastating. People who
were just coming out of a detox such as Ottawa Withdrawal Management Centre or one
of the treatment centres now had none of the support system that would usually
be available. There were no in-person meetings of any of the recovery groups.
Most counseling was canceled. This led to a high number of recurrences. It was
also terrible for some with long-term recovery. The sort of isolation that was
being imposed upon us was very reminiscent of the lives we led while in the
depths of our addiction. Many with long-term recovery wound up back in their
addictions.
The community recognized
the danger and moved quickly to set up a variety of electronic meetings. But of
course, not everyone has access to the internet or is comfortable with it.
While I love being part of this community and seeing how it has responded to
this crisis has made me even more proud to be part of it, I think in the final
analysis, there will have been a terrible toll caused by COVID.
What would you tell your younger self before you were affected by addiction? What advice do you have for anyone that feels they may be affected by addiction?
The first part of this
question is very much a “what if” type of question and I try to avoid these. I
am the sum total of my experiences in life, both good and bad. They’ve made me
what I am today. If I hadn’t been down the road of addiction I would be a very
different person today. I’m very proud of the life I live now helping people
who are trying to recover from their disorders.
As to someone affected
by addiction, the most important message is that you can get better and help is
available. I’ve spoken at many meetings over the years and that is by far the
most important message to convey. Recovery emerges from hope.
I also think it’s important to recognize that there are many different paths to recovery despite what some would say and there are many different notions of wellness. The resources are available to help everyone find a way of living that works for them. I would highly recommend that anyone interested in what a very broad and open-minded notion of recovery is should check out the CAPSA website.
CONCLUSION
Thank you for reading. For more information on
the services mentioned in this article, visit the following websites:
Community
Addictions Peer Support Association (CAPSA): capsa.ca
Alcoholics
Anonymous (AA): aa.org
Narcotics
Anonymous (NA): na.org
Cocaine
Anonymous: ca.org
Supervised
consumption sites: canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/substance-use/supervised-consumption-sites.html
Refuge
Recovery: refugerecovery.org
All
People. All Pathways.: capsa.ca/peersupport
Ottawa
Withdrawal Management Centre: montfortrenaissance.ca/en/residential-withdrawal-management